Twelfth

It´s monday - it´s cold, the snow keeps painting from above, on what some people migth know as Copenhagen, Denmark. I took a "Granny" before, meaning slept a little in the middle of the day. Tomorrow - oh yes tomorrow, i´ll hopefully see her.
I was thinking about death today, not that i want to die or anything, no - i was thinking about death in general. I think that were all here to learn something - and if we doesnt learn whatever we have to learn in this life, we´ll be facing the same issues and challenges in the next life. I´ve got lots of different views on life and death in general - i´ve always had, but i´ll share them at soem other time - slowly, so you can keep up with me.
I´ve started reading Slash´ Autobiography - it´s exciting for me, because i´ve always loved Guns ´N´ Roses. They were the first music i listened to coming to this world, and i´ve heard them ever since. And yes, i´ve heard "Chinese Democracy" - and NO - it is not Guns ´N´ Roses, enough said.

Ryan took off yesterday to Singapore - he was a guest teacher, which did some classes at my aunts yoga-school. My aunt is also a yoga teacher.

Man, tomorrow it starts all over. I´ll see her, i´ll miss her when i have to say goodbye to her - and i´ll think of her till next time we´ll meet again.
My depression is almost gone - thats good.
My life is going slowly straight up the road it has to go - thats good.
I´ve got cigarettes, i´ve got my music - i´ve got myself - and thats all good.
But there´s something which isn´t good. Im falling more and more in love with her!
I can´t help it, i just can´t help it.
Sometimes i pray for her. I don´t know who´m i pray to. I just pray, wishing her well. She deserves it.
I think it´s exciting being in love, because you know - scientists call it a psychosis, and i´ve been psychotic lots of times, and yes. It is almost like a fucking psychosis. It´s like the drug you need, but can´t afford - and you crave it. You crave it so badly it makes you sick and sorry.
I just, i can´t pull myself out of it. Not now. I want to be in love, i really do, it reminds me of all the good things in this world, and why we are here - for love!
Everyday passing by without her lying next to me, for me to look at her sleep is... It´s...
I think it hurts. Yes, the truth is - it hurts!
I dont fall in love with people, it happens 1 in every 50 years or so! But, i just can´t get her out of my mind.
But how do you explain a girl which has everything - that she needs you?! I mean, you can´t. I´ve decided just to be myself all the way through, and take it piece by piece.
I think i´ll ask her tomorrow why she thinks i still have skizo problems, because i don´t! But she knows if im recovered i can´t go at the center, were she is anymore. And then it´s bye bye - no more chit chat with ms. Love.
I mean, maybe she dont want to make the papers about were i am at the moment in life, so i´ll get thrown out, and also because she knows i benefit from being at the center, so why throw me out. Why make the papers and goodbye - when i benefit in my own way, by talking to her and so on.

Snoopy, our dog, is running around on my room. He´s such a nice dog.

I´ll see you all tomorrow.

Sleep tight or what else you do at night -

With Love