First

Well, i feel... Empty... I feel... Lost, or... Empty, just empty.

It feels weird... Because, well. I dont know where to start and... Well.

Fuck it -

My name is Mads. Mads Jensen. I was born in Nakskov, Denmark, approx. 22 years ago.
Who gives a shit?! You!?!

Not really, thank God - ´cause. Well, its just... Life is so full of shit sometimes. I dont wanna whine or anything, it´s just. FUCK!!

JESUS - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!

All my life i knew something was missing... Just, something. Dont know what, just FUCKING something! Anyway - the thing is, i found it!! I found out what the fuck it is, i was fucking missing! Jesus Holy Mother -

And what the fuck is that?!? For the first time ever, im fucking speechless!!

She just... Sits there and -

Oh God... I dont know what to say, she makes me feel... Weak... It´s like, she got me totally in her control... And she doesnt even fucking know it!!!

It´s so, fuckin´ -

Wonderful, i mean..

She´s so beautiful that normally any guy would look at her, and start dressing her off with the eyes. But -

Im so much in Love with Her that... I just want to hug her!!! Do you believe that shit! I just want to fucking hug her! How stupid is that shit!!

All week i look forward to see her. I´ve got nothing else in my mind. I mean -
i can´t write, i can´t read, i cant pull any fingers on my guitar, i cant do anything! All i´ve got in my mind, in my thoughts is her. Her long blond hair, the way she do those eyebrows, her lips - she´s got the most beautiful lips, and her face... Its just... I´ve got no words. And for the most time she wear dresses, the most cool dresses EVER. Shes so Goddamn beautiful, its... Stupid!

But, the sickest thing is that... Her soul, her personality is like... Its even more prettier than her looks.

When we sit there... All the way over there, across the table. She smiles at me... She smiles that smile, who cut more deep than ANY of the scars i´ve got on my body - both inside and out...

It´s funny because i...

I´ve always had this "Thing" this "Cool-one-liner-speech" which would get my One-and-only in the net, when i met her but -

when finally she stands there in her dress, with her smile, her long blond hair - and her lips, i...

I go numb...

It´s like, im dying. Its like, everything starts to blur, and makes me on fire, burning down slowly, with fire down my throat which makes me numb. Its frightening.

I´ve never been scared that deep in my whole damn life, and suddenly a long blonded princess with a smile on her face - makes me so fucking scared.... It feels... It feels like..
It feels...

Good!

It feels like hotter than the sun, and at the same time - colder than - well ICE(?!?) or something (Yes, my poetry is bad)!

I´ve thought about telling her the truth yes - but

this may sound stupid but,

i dont know if she calls me off if i tell her - thats what i´ve afraid of, so maybe its best to just shut up, and get those years i´ve got - 2 max, without her knowing.

Can you belive that - im actually so much in love with a girl, that i dont tell her that i am - so i can be close with her, as it is possible.

But still -

im no wuss! I´ve never held myself back for ANY girl my whole freakin´ life!

I dont like this - maybe its best telling her the truth - maybe its just best to... well, tell her the truth...

Im counting days now....

Its four days till im close with her again... Im gonna walk right by her, when she let me in to her small office. Well sit, she´ll ask me how im doing, ill answer "Fine", she smile at me, i smile back - sincerely - and there it is...

We... Meet... Her eyes racing down the table, looking shy, hoping i didnt caught her looking.. But i did. And as she look up, i´ll look down, hoping SHE didnt caught ME... Maybe its flirting, maybe its just two shy people meeting across the table...

Im to young for her anyway - and nothing else than that...

I dont ha´ve status, im not rich - im fucking nobody!

But still - i could make her happy....

I could tell her every single day that... I loved her... And i would mean it to! She wouldnt just be some good looking show around for the friends woman. She would be my... My girl...

I could find all the peace in the world, just by watching her sleep...

She would be the girl i could proudly tell that:

"I love you - i WIll always love you - and the day i DIE, i´d do it FOR you..."

It sounds like children poetry, and it is - its me, but... It actually tells how special this thing really is... I mean, fuck...

The last thing in my mind before sleep is HER,
the only thing i dream about at night is HER,
and the first thing i think about when i wake up -
is pissing - but THEN
i think of HER

It´s killing me..

I dont wanna die -
i wanna live,
with her

I wanna lie next to her hearing her snor, smiling inside myself, and looking at her all night long....

I wanna lay my arm around her in her sleep, and feel her closer than anything else, i´ve ever felt before.

Tuesday please...