Eighth

Note to myself:

Painting a picture with letters - making the obvious seem impossible, ads the motive, to a distant pursue of a dream...

She wrote me... My phone danced in my pocket, making me cold all over - thinking "It could be her"... It was!
Shit! When i get messages from her - i get all... Weird! I just want to run all the way through Copenhagen, kicking people down on the way to go faster - run through the building, kicking her door down to her office - and then scream out loud...
"Here i am!"
But thats not going to happen - and it aint because i smoke a joint now and then, and get all slow and sleepy - hell, i could fuck all women in the state though i´ve been smoking a "Death-stick" as they call it here in Denmark.
It´s just... How the Hell do i tell her, so i wont fuck it up?
I mean - i´ve fucked up! I´ve fucked up REAL bad in my life. Im not violent, i dont hate people - but YES i´ve fucked up!
I dont want to fuck up anymore... I mean, yes - a little fuckup now and then is always fun, its just. Im in love, i act stupid! This aint me?!? Normally when i approach a girl for the first time i see her i´ll normally say: "Heres a buck, now go call your Daddy, and tell him you sleep at my place tonight!" (Though im no player, sometimes i just do it for fun, i cant stand superficial and easy girls!) But, i cant do it... She makes me feel... Well, makes me feel good, its like, she makes me a better person, just by standing in front of me with her adoring eyes, and long blond hair...

I´ve thought about myself, i was thinking about how life would play it´s card, in the game of life. But actually i dont care. I couldnt care less! I have dreams - yes, and im ambitious - yes. But...

Oh shit, i just realized how lucky i am...

Thinking back just 5 or 6 months. Oh man, i was a mess!

I never thought that quitting drugs would be possible, i mean, i was practically self-medicated in any way. A shot of heroin, coke to get the blood pumping, lighting a cigarette and a quarter bottle of vodka - and that was just to get out of bed! Doing at least 7 different drugs a day, nearly killed me - lots of times. But like most people starting to use heroin... Heroin was all i craved in the end... Man, how the Hell did i EVER get out of it?!
People wonder how i actually DID come out of it, when i meet people on the bus or in the Metro - old friends and so always say: "Jesus, i thought you were dead!"
But practically - i WAS dead - living-fucking-dead!
If people knew what really got into me, and made me realize that it simply aint worth it - no one would ever believe me...

She did... She doesnt know, and will never know, but SHE got me out of it. Meeting her - see how pretty "life" can be, made me face the truth.
I told you, she made me a better person. And no, i aint going back the shit, just because she doesnt want me! I´ll never do drugs again... Never ever. Thoúgh my cigarettes, and a joint a month, is still on the menu. But hey?! Somethings gotta kill you right!

Maybe you wonder - how come this girl - shit i mean: WOMAN, sorry - is so special to me. What is it she´s got?

I´ll tell you what she´s got.
When you look into those eyes she´s got - you are SOLD!
let me deepen this.
When i met her, i practically had given up on mankind! I mean, as i said - i was a mess! People who were honest, real or just plain good people, in my world - did not exist!
And then i met her... So, real, honest, righteous, so beautiful, so pretty - i mean, her inside is just as pretty as her outside. She´s just... Shit... She´s like a fucking fairytale or something.
And this is what happened when i met her - she gave me back the trust, and a reason to believe, in mankind again! She gave me fucking back the ability to trust in people again! I mean - that shits beautiful man! Have you ever met ANYONE - who could do that for you?! No?!?
Didnt thought so. She did that for me - and i will be forever grateful - forever!


With Love